Auto-Tuned Opening Lines – Lionel Asbo by Martin Amis

Our favourite one yet, Martin Amis’ new novel becomes a haunting Scott Walker-esque melody.

Lyrics (The incorrect spelling is taken directly from the novel, it’s not us forgetting how to type):

Dear Jennaveieve,

I’m having an affair with an older woman.

Shes’ a lady of some sophistication,

and makes a refreshing change from the teen agers I know 

(like Alektra for example, or Chanel.)

The sex is fantastic and I think I’m in love.

But ther’es one very serious complication

and i’ts this;shes’ my Gran! 

Desmond Pepperdine (Desmond, Des, Desi),

the author of this document, was fifteen and a half.

And his handwriting, nowadays, was selfconsciously elegant;

the letters used to slope backward,

but he patiently trained them to slope forward;

and when everything was smoothly conjoined 

he started adding little flourishes

(his e was positively ornate—

like a w turned on its side)

You too can Auto-Tune your life using the ace Songify app (here) created by The Gregory Brothers (here).

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